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Psalm 34:7-9The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

I have found a sense of therapy in writing these posts. So here goes another session..

Things have been crazy these last few weeks. My grandmother, who lives in Costa Rica has been in and out of the hospital with a failing heart. They put her on different medications and haven't seen the kind of improvement they had hoped for. She wound up back in the hospital last week. They put her on different medications, hoping for a different result while they decided if a pace-maker was necessary and, if so, how long she would need one. The doctors realized her body wasn't taking too well to the medication after she fainted on her way to the bathroom Monday afternoon. They got her stabilized as best they could and we continued to wait for the pace-maker.

This morning, I got my daily "Grandma Update" email from my mom and it says "earthquake" in the subject line. Panic immediately sets in. I quickly open a new Internet window and on my Yahoo homepage I see that a massive earthquake has hit a Costa Rica, with the epicenter about 90 miles from my grandparents in San Jose. Within minutes, they issue a tsunami warning for the area and surrounding coastal regions due to the shear magnitude of the 'quake. Luckily, my grandfather was able to get in touch with the nurses at the hospital to check on everything and let grandma know he was safe.

A little background information- Most of my life we lived walking distance from my grandma and grandpa. They decided to retire to CR when I left for college, and after a few things hit the fan, we basically stopped talking completely for nearly 5 years. When Kyle and I decided to get married and grandma made it, I decided it wasn't worth being angry or hurt forever. She's the last biological grandparent I have. For a wedding gift, grandma gave me the stuffed bear I gave her when I was about 8 when she was fighting breast cancer. She said she wanted me to have it to hug when times got tough. She also gave me a necklace that her father gave her mother on their wedding day. Talk about HUGE sentimental value. We began writing emails to each other once a month or so since the wedding. I felt like we were really becoming family again. Like real family, the kind that talks frequently, or plans trips or anything! It was really great therapy for my soul.

Then three weeks ago, this happens. I can't help but feel so lost. Obviously, anyone being in this situation would find it difficult. It's tough seeing grandparents ill, or your parents visibly and audibly distraught thinking about their parents. But given our recent history, I am struggling. I am struggling to make sense of how something like this can happen, how this can happen to someone so fragile. Or how this can happen since we are really turning our relationship around. It's terrifying.

I've sent emails or texts to friends and family asking for prayer support and they have been overwhelmingly comforting. One thing I've really learned, through this and other serious events, it's the people around you who really give you the strength to stand on your own two feet. This blog has also done wonders for me, emotionally. I've been given (or created) a platform, even if it's the size of a milk crate, to be able to share feelings, thoughts, emotions and fears. They say there is no better therapy than writing, and I can tell you I already feel better.


  1. Praying for your family and your strength right now Jackie. Please don't hesitate if you need anything - also keep in mind my mother is in HR with United Airlines should your mother need to make any travel arrangements, we can help. XO, S

    1. Sarah! I did not know this! I will let mom know! Thank you dear friend.

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