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Meatloaf and grace

You know what I really suck at? Making meatloaf.

I hate meatloaf, so maybe my subconscious sabotages me from doing it well, I don't know. I'm actually a pretty decent chef. And I usually only stick to things I like as to ensure it's absolutely scrumptious. But meatloaf is gross. There's something about beef being pressed into a pan with loads of ketchup that makes me want to get sick.

So when Coach called on his way home and asked what was for dinner and I responded with "meatloaf", he asked who I was and what I had done with his wife. It was fine, I guess. Meatloaf tastes like meatloaf. I cannot imagine it actually ever being good. The problem is that Coach loves meatloaf. He's gross.

You know what else I'm super crappy at?

Grace.

I'm bad at giving it. I'm bad at receiving it.

2017 was supposed to by my year of grace. Self-grace, grace for people that have hurt me, grace for people who I  believe don't deserve it.

But here we are in 2018 and I'm still horrendous at it. I struggle most with showing grace to myself, which I truly think makes it difficult for me to show it toward others. When I feel like I've done something wrong, I struggle to accept grace from others. I struggle to feel as though I deserve it.

But you know what's absolutely incredible? Being in relationships is naturally graceful - whether that be marriages, friendships, or family relationships - where the people involved see your best qualities and forgive and show kindness. Especially when you may not deserve it.

I think there's a lot to be said about the desire to be better. Sometimes, that want to do better naturally occurs. Sometimes, it takes conscious action to be better. Either way, it all starts with the desire to change. I have a situation on my heart that I'd like to welcome grace into. It's been on my heart for years and that certainly can't be healthy. Neither is meatloaf covered in a gallon of ketchup.

My prayer is that with Him, I believe I can be better. So here's to the last quarter of 2018 and improving relationships and my meatloaf recipe. Cheers!


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